My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
