I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
