just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I need to stop coming to work sober
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
