i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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