i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
