you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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