My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
