That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We need to rekindle our bromance
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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