I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
