it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
