And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
