I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
