And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I touched a dick in church today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
