these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
