Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
false alarm, still single
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