Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
