Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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