Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
