end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
