Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
