i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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