Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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