Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize