dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
