I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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