Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
