A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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