My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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