I accidentally burped into my bong.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
