You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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