My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
