so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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