Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
