The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
