Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
