You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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