Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
