ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize