His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
