I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
