I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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