1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
