I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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