I'm drive I can fine osifer
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just had sex bonerless
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
