distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
