plz talk dirty to me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
