my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
