she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
