So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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