I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Your dad touched me again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
