I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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