i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
