rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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