Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
