I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
