Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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