I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't notice because vodka
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
