Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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