I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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