As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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