I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
