I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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