Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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